Ed in a Halfshell/Script
is seen standing around bored, looking at something. Edd: mortified "This is so embarrassing!" camera pans to show Eddy standing in front of a sign reading "Gerbil for a Day" and Ed dressed as a gerbil, running in a hamster wheel in a cage. Ed's laughs can be heard in the background. It then switches to a view of Ed running. He falls but almost immediately gets back up and continues running. Eddy: eager "Huh? Whaddya figure Kev, gerbil for a day? 25 cents for 25 seconds. And we'll throw in this free salt lick! Limited quantity, better move fast." Kevin: to be excited "Let's check it out!" Eddy: "Watch it, those sweaty hands might leave prints!" Kevin: "No problem." puts the salt lick on the ground and rolls it onto Eddy, who is pinned down by its weight. "Ha ha ha! You dorks get lamer every day." walks off chuckling. Edd: "Kevin's right, Eddy." the salt lick off of his friend "This is quite possibly–" from the effort "–your most preposterous plan ever." falls over the salt lick, which rolls onto him. "Aah! Ouch." Eddy: angry "I don't see you coming up with anything, Da Vinci!" Ed: "Cheep! Cheep! Cheep chin! Feed me!" and Eddy stare at Ed in stunned silence. Ed stares back at them. Edd: "The probability of anyone falling for this lackluster stunt is zero to none, Eddy." Eddy: "Alright already! What a nag." enters from the left, storms over to the cage, and rips off a section of it. She then walks over to Ed, who is eating gerbil food. Sarah: "ED!" Ed: and scared "What did I do?" runs over to the hamster wheel and runs on it in an attempt to get away. "It wasn't me, Sarah, honest!" Sarah right next to him "Cheep! Cheep! Cheep Cheep–" pulls him off the wheel "–aw." Eddy: the sound of Ed getting beaten up "Quit roughing up my gerbil! I'm trying to run a business–" throws Ed at him. "–oof!" Sarah: "I have a ballet lesson today and Jimmy needs someone to play with! And Ed's Jimmy's new playmate!" Jimmy: shaken "Can we talk?" Eddy: Ed, who is clutching him "Get off me, you stupid–" throws Ed off and addresses Sarah. "Take a hike, Sarah! You are not dumping the twerp on us!" grabs his lips and holds them closed, keeping him from speaking intelligibly; after a few seconds of mumbling from him, she throws him onto the ground. Sarah: sweetly "Oh, Ed?" Ed: in fear "Uh, yes, oh obnoxious little sister of mine?" Sarah: up a model rocket "See what I got?" Ed: upset "THAT IS MY 1/32 SCALE ORBITAL PLANET RE-TRACKER NUMBER 2 MODEL ROCKET!" Sarah: threateningly "Take care of Jimmy or I'll pulverize your stupid model!" Ed: pleading "Have mercy, depraved sibling!" a slightly calmer tone "I will take care of Jimmy. Honest." Sarah: "Good." Jimmy: timidly "Sarah, I beg of you, don't leave me in this den of lions." Sarah: "Don't worry, Jimmy. If these nimrods give you any trouble, just–" a whistle out of her pocket "–blow this whistle." puts the whistle around Jimmy's neck. Jimmy: "Really?" Ed: "Have a good day, rotten to the core cherished one." soon as Sarah leaves, Jimmy begins to sweat. The camera shows the Eds looking at him. He then faints. Eddy: "This kid's gonna cramp our style! Look at him!" Edd: "Perhaps Jimmy would like to play some games." Jimmy: waking up "Games?" Edd: "There we go! Games teach children confidence, and endorse socialization skills necessary for human interaction." Eddy: evilly "I know a game we can play." ---- hands are seen picking up a dodgeball. The other two Eds and Jimmy are standing by a garage door. Edd and Jimmy are quaking with fear, whereas Ed looks perfectly normal. Edd: nervous "Eddy wait stop!" calmly "Dodgeball has no educational value whatsoever." Eddy: "Whaddya talking about? It builds character. Puts hair on your chest." Jimmy: "Hairy chests are so Neanderthal." Ed: "Dodgeball is fun, Jimmy! Just keep your eye on the–" hit by dodgeball "–ball of pain." Eddy: victoriously "Ha ha ha! You're out, monobrow! Who's next?" shifts to Jimmy "Jimmy? Or Double D?" shifts to an empty space on the right side of the door "Hey. Where'd Sockhead go?" edges to the left, revealing Edd hidden behind him. "Hello, Double D." Edd: desperately "Eddy wait. I-I have a history with this game I–whassat. I see flashes, Eddy. Deep rooted images." begins drawing something on the ball "Like tentacles! Strangulating every rational nerve! Oh, I'm reliving it, Eddy!" Eddy: up the ball "But it's got your face on it, Double D." turns the ball around to reveal a caricature of Edd drawn on it. Edd: terrified "Listen to me, Eddy. Eddy?" goes into his throwing stance. Edd: howling "IT'S GYM CLASS ALL OVER AGAIN!" breaks down completely. As he continues his crying jag, Jimmy begins to wail in tandem with him. Ed sees Jimmy clutching him and crying and he begins to scream as well. Eddy: disgusted "Uuh." ---- falls to the ground, a quivering mess. Eddy approaches him. Eddy: "Get over it, Shakespeare." Jimmy: "I'm bored. I wanna turn." Eddy: "No way, it's still my turn." Jimmy: for his whistle "I'm telling Sarah!" Ed: scared "Wait, Jimmy! Sarah is bad for Ed." on top of Eddy "Don't hog the ball, Eddy. Let Jimmy have a turn." Jimmy: "Goodie!" rubs Jimmy back and forth on top of his buzz cut. He then takes Eddy over to the garage door. Eddy is stuck to it. Eddy: irked "What the–" Edd: "Static electricity can be quite humbling, can't it, Eddy?" Ed Oh, Ed, that's much too far for Jimmy. A little closer, if you will?" Ed: "Okey-dokey, Double D." walking Jimmy closer to Eddy "Here we go, Jimmy. Your turn to hurt Eddy." Eddy: to be scared "Oh, this guy's gonna murder me! Somebody please save me!" mockingly "Yeah, right!" throws the ball at his face so hard it knocks most of his body through the garage door. Jimmy: "Got him!" giggles Ed: "Good shot, Jimmy!" Jimmy up and carries him on his shoulders Jimmy: "I'm the toast of the town!" Edd: "Aw, look at them, Eddy!" Eddy: disgruntled "It's pathetic." is seen running with Jimmy still on his shoulders. He trips over a rock. When he gets up, Jimmy's retainer is around both of their faces. Jimmy: "Hey, mister!" share a laugh Edd: to pull Eddy out of the door "Jimmy and Ed seem straining to have developed a brotherly bond." Eddy out of the door onto him and Ed are rubbing their heads against a tree trunk. Jimmy and Ed: "Rub your head, rub your head. Rub your head." Edd: "Interesting." Eddy: "Why's Jimmy acting like Ed?" Edd: "Well Eddy, like brothers, the younger more naive sibling tends to mimic and learn from the older brother. A mirror image in some cases." Eddy: quizzical "A mirror image?" an idea dawns "One exactly like the other? Like two peas in a pod? Two humps on a camel? A dynamic duo? A pair of underwear?" Edd: "A pair of underwear is one item, Eddy." Eddy: "Same thing." a declaration "I, Eddy, will take Jimmy, and teach him to be the best prime cut of meat there is. Just like me." ---- montage is shown. First, Eddy throws eggs at a picture of Sarah taped to a wall and instructs Jimmy to do the same. When he refuses, Eddy stuffs the egg in his underwear. The camera cuts to a grassy field. Eddy tells Jimmy to move an obscenely large rock to an X marked on the ground. Jimmy attempts to move it himself and is completely unsuccessful. Eddy is then seen leading him to another location while wedgied. The next thing we see is Jimmy in the field, trying to move the rock. After a couple of unsuccessful attempts, he stops and thinks it over. He then brings Ed over to move the rock. The garage again. This time, Jimmy throws the eggs at Ed and Double D. Eddy bursts into laughter, stopped only when Jimmy pulls the "You've got something on your shirt" trick on him, earning him one final wedgie. ---- is sitting on a tree stump while Eddy walks in circles around him. Eddy: "Enough beating around the bush. I think you're ready for the final lesson. Let's talk cash." rolls a quarter on Jimmy's retainer. Edd: Ed, discreetly "Theatrics do not forge good learning skills." Eddy: "Hey, do you mind, Mr. 'I Know Everything About Nothing'?" Ed: Edd "Shush!" Eddy: "Where was I?" ponders "Oh yeah! Cash! Always remember, if you have a lot of cash, you get to spend a lot of time, with me." Jimmy: questioningly "But how do I get more cash, Uncle Eddy?" Eddy: proudly "You're such a nosy little tyke. Come with Uncle Eddy." Jimmy up and carries him away Edd: alarmed "Hurry, Ed!" Ed: "Shush! My yeast is rising." unsure what to do, stares at Ed for a few moments. Edd: "Nut loaf, Ed?" hurries away ---- is seen running with Jimmy. He stops in the lane and drops Jimmy on the ground Eddy: "See the kids, Jimmy?" Jimmy: in the other direction "No, Uncle Eddy." Eddy: Jimmy's head around "They're called pigeons, and pigeons have lots of cash. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" starts to run forward into the lane, but falls on his face. Jimmy: dazed "Pennies from heaven, Uncle Eddy." Eddy: up "They grow up so fast." Edd: appearing, and apparently very belligerent "Eddy! Shame on you! You set Jimmy–" Ed: "Shush!" Edd: "You set Jimmy's expectations too high! He's bound to fail!" Eddy: "Okay, maybe I was a little tough. But that's how my brother taught me! The only way to get it right is to get it wrong." sudden noise distracts them. ---- is seen bouncing on a trampoline Kevin: "Whoa, look out!" Rolf: admiringly "Kevin is good at weinering." Kevin: "That's hot-dogging, Rolf." timer rings Jimmy: "Time's up, Kevin." Kevin: "That couldn't have been more than 25 seconds." Jimmy: "Take it to the back of the line, bub." up jar of quarters "Alright, people, cough up the dough." Eddy: astounded "How come we didn't think of that?" Edd: "Seems the student has surpassed the master." Ed: "But better!" ---- Jimmy: "You got 25 seconds, Rolfy boy." drops a quarter in the jar Rolf: "Has anyone ever told you your hair resembles the backside of a chicken?" Eddy: drooling "You're a chip off the old block, Junior." Edd: "Well done, Jimmy! Tell me about the design." Jimmy: "The bouncy mat was torn up-bedsheets sewn together with the synthetic hair of broken dollies." Edd: "I never would have thought of that." Jimmy: condescendingly "Of course you wouldn't." Edd: insulted "Well." Eddy: "C'mere for a second, Junior." ---- is leading Jimmy away. Eddy: "Time to give credit where credit is due. Nothing big, sixty percent'll do." Jimmy: irked "What are you giving me?" Eddy: "My cut of the cash." hand on the rim of the jar and tries to pull it away Jimmy: it back "Hit the road." Eddy: angry "You thankless little–If it wasn't for me, you'd be planting posies!" Jimmy: "Tell it to the judge!" Eddy: surprised "Oh, he's good." after Jimmy "Give me that thing, you little turncoat!" money jar away "Ha!" money "Hello, my little babies! Did you miss me?" Jimmy: on Eddy "It's mine!" Eddy: by Jimmy's ferocity "Jimmy's lost it! Help me! He's a wild animal!" Ed: "Foul! Offside! Penalty." Edd: "You sound like a referee, Ed." Ed: out a whistle "Yes I am." Edd: what Ed is about to do "Ed! Don't blow that!" puts whistle in mouth and blows. ---- and Jimmy freeze in the middle of fighting. Edd's teeth can be heard chattering. Then, the camera shifts to show trees toppling, getting closer in proximity to the lane. After the nearest one falls, Sarah is seen kicking open a portion of the fence. Sarah: screaming "JIMMY!" Jimmy: smugly "Bingo." digs up some dirt and throws it onto his face. Sarah: "Eddy. What's Jimmy doing on the ground, huh?" is seen crying Eddy: "Get lost, Sarah, we're talking business." Jimmy: crying "He was horrible, Sarah. They made me eat dirt all day!" Sarah: "What?" teeth in anger. Jimmy can be seen thumbing his nose at the Eds while Sarah is facing away from him. Eddy: an undertone, amazed "Man, he's real good." normally "Who are you gonna believe? That little- um- er- rat, or an honest bunch like us?" squeals in anger and proceeds to beat the pulp out of the Eds. Jimmy is seen giggling at the scene. Sarah gleefully dusts her hands at her handwork: Edd's upper half and Eddy's lower half are sticking out of Ed's right ear while Edd's lower half is sticking out of Ed's mouth and Eddy's upper half sticks out of Ed's left ear with the jar in his mouth. Jimmy walks up to the Eds. ---- Jimmy: self-satisfied "My jar please, Uncle Eddy." jar from Eddy's mouth and realizes the money is gone "Hey!" Eddy's nose. His lower jaw opens like a cash register, revealing a pile of quarters. Jimmy takes the money and shoves his jaw back in. Jimmy: "Candy, Sarah? My treat." run off, presumably to the candy store. ---- Edd: "Boy, Eddy, you truly created a monster." Eddy: "No kidding." proud "Kinda makes me feel all warm inside." Ed: due to Edd's lower half sticking out of his mouth "Urp a la loo." Edd: "Don't talk with your mouth full, Ed." Category:Scripts Category:Season 2 Category:Season 2 Scripts